I am happy. Not the kind of happiness where one tries to make lemonade out of lemons and pretends that it is working, at least somewhat. Or where one tries to be as happy as can be, given the circumstances, and tries to be grateful for the tiny specter of happiness that glints through at times. No, I’m simply happy – not because I’ve attained perfection in all aspects of my life – but because the dense layer of despair and thick numbing fog has lifted and dissolved.
I can really feel the love of God and the Universe. I can truly feel the love of my husband and friends. I can truly feel the beauty of my surroundings and I can enjoy with childlike glee all the moments of my day. I am ME, not that I ever was not ME, but that true essence of ME has percolated to the surface and is being expressed more than ever before, in all its innocence and fullness.
I’m approaching life with a sense of happy anticipation as I identify what comes next, sometimes inspired, sometimes perplexed, but always with a delightful sense of basking in a happy and loving surround. Not perfection per se, as many would define it, but simply a beautiful attitude of relishing life unfolding, in a lazy way or productive way, without a script or quota, yet with an inborn intention to experience and appreciate it all.
I’ve always been a seeker of Truth and spiritual unfoldment and that resulted in many healing and sustaining insights. And last September I embarked on an intense retreat with my husband, Michael, where we experienced several Ayahuasca and San Pedro ceremonies in Ecuador. The insights gained were powerful, and when I returned to my life in the USA, the impulse and insistency to listen to AND follow my intuition was irresistible and could no longer be ignored. In short order, I completed my sales career and retired, reveled in precious time in Hawaii where I snorkeled and cared for a loving family, disassembled a household, and made plans to spend some time on a new adventure in Ecuador. All in perfect synchronization with my husband’s desired next steps.
While I’m so grateful for all the good that came from my previous life as it paved the way for where I am now, I’m enormously grateful we moved to Cuenca and are resetting, recharging, resting, relaxing, rejuvenating, and relishing life. It’s a good day on this 60th birthday of mine (Sept 2), and a good life.