Monday, October 24, 2016

San Pedro Ceremony #1 in Vilcabamba in September/October 2016


As I have mentioned previously, in the past I have generally been a very private person, and haven't shared personal intimate details with just anyone, and sometimes not even with good friends. Why risk being judged or even condemned and ostracized?

Yet, so many have shared their South American plant medicine experiences on YouTube, on Facebook, and even personally with me, and I am deeply grateful for how they bared their souls, shared their process, and trusted that their sharing would touch just the right people in the right way.

The profound and meaningful nature of my Ayahuasca, San Pedro and Kambô experiences over the last year have changed my mind - if my experiences can inspire and help even one person along their healing path, that is much more important than keeping it all private. 

During our Vilcabamba trip, over a 5 day period, I participated in three Kambô ceremonies and two 2 San Pedro ceremonies. This blogpost is for the 1st San Pedro ceremony. The 2nd San Pedro ceremony blogpost can be seen here.


My San Pedro Ceremony #1 in Vilcabamba – September 30, 2016

We completed three Kambô sessions in three days, and now we are off to our two San Pedro sessions over the next two days in the San Pedro barrio of Vilcabamba. We checked out of Izhcaluma hosteria and took a taxi to Steve Eagle Sewell’s place, the Eagle Nest. Our friends were joining us, and had arrived the night before.

Both my husband, Michael and I were looking forward to spending two full days with Grandfather San Pedro. Last year we attended a retreat where I participated in two Ayahuasca ceremonies, two San Pedro ceremonies and one sweat lodge ceremony which included a combination of Ayahuasca and San Pedro, and enjoyed both the (tough yet beautiful) mother love of Ayahuasca and the gentle wisdom of the Grandfather San Pedro medicine. Spending two full days, back to back, communing with and listening to Grandfather San Pedro was going to be a wonderful treat.



The interaction and heartfelt communion that I had with our San Pedro group was so awe-inspiring, yet I have chosen to not share most of our interactions out of respect for confidentiality. That said, there’s nothing like the “medicine” to create and enhance amazingly tight bonds of friendship and love. So please be aware that there are many more layers of sharing that I have not included here that supported me and them in many ways, both in the giving and receiving.

Especially, I am thrilled that my husband Michael and I have allowed our true and complete selves to be hugely exposed as we explored our tender and deep vulnerabilities in front of each other, with each other. Not only had we just finished 3 Kambô ceremonies, purging exhaustively and with no modesty or pretense at decorum, just yards from each other, and supporting each other whenever so lovingly needed, but we were about to commune with San Pedro for 2 days in a most personal and revealing way. Our deepest secrets, fears, insecurities, fragilities - all were being unveiled. That said, I have chosen not to share most of our communications and support with each other. I am so grateful that our South American medicine journeys have enabled us to trust and love each other all the more. We are bonded together more than ever.

I noticed the number 5 is repeating often throughout this trip. In the beginning, Michael’s meal came to $5.55. I noticed license plate numbers and addresses with 55 or 555 repeating, and also noticed the time at 5:55 in the morning or evening often throughout our 5 days doing our three Kambô and two San Pedro sessions. The WiFi password at Steve’s place had five 5’s repeating in the password (I won’t give away the exact password though.)

Doreen Virtue shares that 555 means: “Huge changes are rumbling throughout your entire life! To keep these changes on the highest possible course, be sure to keep your thoughts positive, and stay centered in prayer and affirmations.”

My intentions for the San Pedro ceremonies were very similar to my intentions for the Kambô ceremonies. Along with the various health concerns previously mentioned, I wanted to look into having more energy and desire and real purpose regarding what to do in my life, now that I was “officially” retired from the corporate arena. As well, it was important to complete, if necessary, any remaining forgiveness; to heal my past and give up old ingrained habits and thought patterns that no longer served me; to be able to love myself more; to be able to let go of the need to control and to let go and allow the “flow” to happen; and to eliminate the need for approval. Especially, I put out my intention to allow Grandfather San Pedro to guide and provide healing wherever and however I needed it, and to be willing to accept and integrate his messages into my life.

Quite a tall order!

San Pedro Ceremony #1

After greeting everyone, settling in, and receiving some explanations of how the day(s) would go, we started the first San Pedro ceremony. Steve Eagle Sewell is an experienced counselor and San Pedro facilitator. His website is http://sanpedroworkshops.com/ . He offers several treatment modalities along with San Pedro. We would start at 9am, enjoy some fruit salad in the early afternoon, some vegetarian soup for dinner in the evening. Steve would watch over us all throughout the day, and be available to talk or listen or whatever we might need as we were with Grandfather San Pedro during the day.

First, each of us received a white sage cleansing / clearing.

Then Steve opened our San Pedro ceremony with a beautiful prayer and provided the San Pedro to us. It was easy to drink, not bad tasting at all, although the hard candy provided did help with the aftertaste, which was very minimal. I could have done without the candy. So no one need worry about the taste, seriously. Steve puts a lot of love and caring into his San Pedro brew – later in the day, I saw him in the preparation of the cactus, and he took great care – it was like his loving meditation as he went through the various steps.

We were able to choose to stay in the open deck area, which included a variety of regular seating options, a hammock, some beds, or we could sit outside by the house, or down by the river. I chose to go down by the river, and spread out a mat and settled in. It took about 20-40 minutes for the San Pedro to “kick in.”
I had been meditating and appreciating the beautiful nature all around, but all of the sudden I realized that I was in “the medicine” and experiencing many deep emotions. Some old dregs of anger at my mother, for some of the abuse inflicted on me as a small child especially, came roaring to the surface. I didn’t want to forgive; I just wanted to hurt her and hate her and be so angry. This was old stuff – I had done much forgiving of her and others in a variety of ways, and my first Ayahuasca ceremony had been focused for 5-6 hours on thoroughly forgiving many, many people, understanding the depths of what it took to forgive, and blessing them all. So I was surprised to see the emotions come up again, so raw and intense. Steve came over and we talked some about it. I appreciated his presence and yet I was puzzled by the impulse to go into yet another round of processing forgiveness. I don’t recall much of what he said, or what happened next. I do know that later I received several messages from Grandfather San Pedro.

Throughout the two days, I carried my notebook and pen with me, and was able to write down many of San Pedro’s messages, either right then or a bit later. I was grateful to be able to have these written messages, as I could accurately go back and review the day.

“Your thought is creating your reality right now.” Which implied to me that revisiting these old wounds was bringing the past into the present, and did I wish to have a present reality that included that? No, I did not, and I had the power and the choice to choose my thoughts and to focus my intention elsewhere. I don’t recall his exact words, but there was an intense focus on the “fact” that the past, present and future were all the same. If I continued to revisit and refocus on the past, the past would be my present.

“Lies, all lies – it was only meant to keep you down.” This was a message repeated several times during the day. I have continued to meditate on this, and at the time, it felt like it meant that many things that I was led to believe about our world, and about myself, were all lies, and the intention was to keep me locked down, and out of my power. Also, many so-called truths and theories about our world are lies as well, whether they came from my mother, my father, my other relatives, friends, work associates, church, school, and more.

At times, I questioned whether I was really listening and hearing San Pedro, or was I simply experiencing a figment of my imagination. So I communicated with San Pedro, “I really do want to hear you.” And his response was, “Love yourself. OK! It’s that simple. No fault, no blame, no should-haves, no gotcha.”

As I continued to talk with him, he got more curt and direct. “You choose your reality. If you choose to suffer, OK, then suffer. If you choose to ‘process’, OK, then you will process.” It felt like he was encouraging me to step up and claim my sovereign right to choose my thoughts, choose my reality right now, and understand that I was creating my reality, so choose carefully. I could choose to process “forgiving” or being angry, or whatever, and that would become my reality. His emphasis seemed to be on the present moment, and creating MY reality in MY present moment. What would it be? What would I choose? There was an emphasis that the past, present and future were all the same, and that it was best to choose right now what I would love to have and how to live in the present because that was all there really was/is. The thought occurred to me that perhaps I had “forgiven” previously, but I was used to revisiting the hurt feelings, so I could exercise my right to choose my reality now and create new thought patterns and habits.

At times, I felt like I was fighting with San Pedro – questioning him and fighting to understand. And I was so used to fighting in life too, for this cause or that issue, or against another personal or world problem, for advancement in my career, for healing relationships, and more. And the fighting had been hard, with many victories won but many defeats as well, and it had been wearing me down, and was quite discouraging at times. Yet what should I be fighting for?

His response was, “You don’t have to fight. We’re always talking to you. Just listen. You are SO loved.” He continued communicating with me, and there was such an emphasis on simply giving up the fight, not fighting at all, and stopping the participation in all the causes, whether it be for or against, whether they seemed worthy or not. That the fighting was not productive, and actually counter-productive in that it implied that in fighting that I was perpetuating a belief that I needed something to happen, outside of myself, for me to be able to be content and have peace of mind and satisfaction. So my interpretation is that I am not to fight any more, to give up attitudes that encourage the fighting and working for/against various causes, that the fight is not important and don’t fight any more. Instead, focus on being in the present, allowing and appreciating what I’m finding, and to simply release my contentious and combative, even “superior” attitude of rising to the occasion and responding to the urgent needs. Interesting…

Still I questioned how we could live in a world, so fraught with problems, with the food, air, water and even our minds all poisoned, with the problems with GMOs, fluoride, chemtrails/geo-engineering, Big Pharma medical mal-practicing including mandatory vaccinations and suppression of natural cures, media manipulation, work and home stresses, and on and on. What is the most effective way to join in the “fights” for many good causes? What if I don’t fight – wouldn’t that be detrimental to my (and other people’s) well-being and hurt our suffering world even more?

His response was, “You bring YOU with you. You don’t need anything outside of you because you are you, and ALL. There is no need for anything…you have it all within YOU.” It was as though I was hearing that my world was contained completely within me, within what I bring to the party, so there is NO fighting outside of me; simply monitoring and choosing my thoughts within myself – when that is done well, that would be creating my and THE best reality.

When I continued to ask about needing to connect with nature to feel better and be more empowered, his response was, “Even nature. Especially nature. You have it ALL within you.” I found this very inspiring, and will continue to meditate more and keep these messages close, as I go about my day-to-day life. And I will continue to enjoy nature, but with the realization that it’s all within me. This inspires such refocusing of my energies, in so many ways, as to how I will be creating my new life, here in Cuenca Ecuador.

Throughout the day, I was concerned, even worried that I might not be able to hear him, or that I was only listening to myself. His response was, “You ARE listening. You ARE able to hear the beautiful message. Just love YOU.”

I was happy that I could write down the messages as I was sensing / hearing them. And then review them later, and reflect further. While the messages were very distinctive, there was a common theme, even an unfolding of a complete message set, from one segment to the next, throughout the day, and even through the next day.

Accept Love. This is not your time to give it. Accept, accept, feel, feel, feel the love all around.” This is very similar to the messages I have received from Mother Ayahuasca and Grandfather San Pedro in past ceremonies. It seems that my focus seems to be on practicing how to receive love, how to feel the love that’s all around me. My focus is NOT on how to give love, but rather how to receive love for MYSELF. It feels as though it is essential for us to be able to love and respect ourselves, and that developing mastery in self-love is essential to any next step in contributing to other people, and the world. I’m very curious why this is so, but can see it easily in other people, when it seems quite obvious that it is essential for them to embrace self-appreciation and this nourishing, nurturing self-love as they interact with others in their lives. I guess it’s true for me too.

There were times, as I lay on my mat down at the river, listening, and in conversation with Grandfather San Pedro, that various doubts surfaced. I wondered about previous life experiences and whether the love I’d felt and expressed back then had been insufficient because of how things had worked out, in many cases quite badly. Self-doubt, self-condemnation and self-recriminations that I hadn’t been good enough back then, and probably wouldn’t be good enough in the present and future to handle challenges. I worried about bringing enough love, enough understanding, enough wisdom to current and future situations and was entertaining sinking doubts, and sobering feelings of defeat and despair. I was entertaining the premise that I simply wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t enough and didn’t and wouldn’t have what it would take.

I was quite taken back when San Pedro responded rather loudly, “DO NOT NEGATE YOUR LOVE, YOUR POWER!” I hadn’t realized that my thoughts had been flowing in that direction until I was interrupted with this loud message! Wow, talk about a wake-up call! Instead of luxuriating in condemnation, I realized that I had brought the best of me to past situations and would continue to do my best, and would be open to learning if necessary. And instead of getting down on myself for not being able to do all I thought I should have done, that it would be more beneficial to appreciate what I had done, what I had learned, and be grateful for even the partial victories, or the failures because they were all teaching me what to do and what NOT to do.

Throughout the day, as I moved from my mat at the river, to sitting and talking with the facilitator or other participants, or lying on a bed on the open air patio, I noticed that my body was shaking vigorously, especially my legs and hands. I knew that often this means that past traumas are being released from the body, and allowed the shaking to go on, without trying to control or stop it. Actually, I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried, especially while under the medicine. The shaking was intense, and after awhile, I chose to be by myself, to unobtrusively allow the shaking to continue at its pace.

I continued to receive messages. Some were plays on words and phrases. Instead of telling me to be “selfish”, San Pedro told me, “Now is YOUR time for YOU to be self-FULL.” What a difference in interpretation. We perceive selfishness to be well, selfish and that would not be a good thing. Instead I was being told to indulge myself, to get “full” of myself, to thoroughly love and understand myself, unapologetically and indulgently.

So, how was I to do that? San Pedro followed up, with excellent inspiration from my surroundings in nature. “Indulge / Get dirty / Squish your toes in the mud. Relish in all that delights you and no, no, no to anything that does not delight you.” What fun! We were experiencing a delightful thunderstorm mid-day, and I was having a delightful child-like squish in the grass and mud that was SO much fun!

“Be happy / joyful / and more and more. No apologies.” So often, I have felt guilty when being so happy, because others weren’t, and so therefore how could I be? Ah, that’s right – “Lies, lies! They’re only meant to bring you down!” Of course I could be joyful, without bringing everyone else along with me. I get to remember whose voice is speaking, and make sure it’s MINE!
I stretched out on the bed, and allowed the big 6’x6” scarf at the head of the bed to blow over me, caressing me, playing with me, as the winds saw fit. I zoned out and listened, while staying totally conscious, even though my body was very relaxed, and relishing in the scarf caresses. “Not time yet for you to give to the world. Now is your self-full time. Indulge / Play / Play / Do only what feels magnificent!”

“Do say ‘No, No…’ and do say ‘Yes, Yes! More Yes, Yes, please!!’”

“You love you, and find out all the ways to love you.”

San Pedro got rather specific with how I was to meditate, as I typically have found it hard to simply meditate in the regular way. He instructed me, “Notice 10 new ways to delight you every day. This is YOUR meditation – how to be DELIGHTED.” Now THAT is fun – to notice all the delights around me, and relish and embrace them. Be truly delighted, as a child would be joyously enveloped with delight after delight, relishing in the sensual wonders! Hey, I can do that! What fun!

Have you ever had a conversation with someone else, in your head? That started happening with me, and I started saying to who knows who, in a gently rebellious way, “Not ‘YOUR’ way, but ‘MY’ way. You can trust it.” I believe this was San Pedro speaking through me, through my voice, and addressing my desire to speak out to those trying to influence me. Instead trust my intuition and do not be swayed by others’ opinions. I’ve been influenced in the past by others, and often followed their suggestions, even though it went against what I felt was right. He was encouraging me to listen, trust my intuition, and FOLLOW my intuition. And to not be dissuaded by others’ influences; my intuition IS right on.

Continuing along the lines of how to listen and then follow my intuition, I continued to be instructed. “Naturally happens. No force. No plan. Just is. Flow, baby.” So often, I think I need to have a strong intuitive message that is unavoidably stating the path to follow, and that simply is not how it’s happened in the past, nor how it will necessarily happen in the future. So the encouraging reminder is to allow the intuition to naturally flow, without force, without trying to map every step of the intuitive unfoldment, to simply flow with the intuitive energy as the answer(s) unfold. What a beautiful reminder!

Many times, I have been challenged on my decisions and even doubted that it was the right thing to do. San Pedro continued his teaching to continue to follow my intuition, and if challenged, to respond. He said, “You don’t have to be mean about it. Just live your choice. If asked, answer simply.” Ah, the freedom from having to justify myself!
The ceremony was coming to an end, and our group gathered together, enjoying some light conversation and sharing our day’s experiences with San Pedro. We enjoyed our vegetarian soup which was thoroughly delicious, as had been the amazing fruit salad in the middle of the day.

And one of our group had brought the infamous glitter, and glitterfied each of us. We sparkled from head to toe!

We did some angel card readings using Doreen Virtue’s Archangel Oracle deck. The images and quotes below are from this deck. I was compelled to choose 5 cards. I found it challenging to pick them – sometimes more than one card was “saying” to me, “Pick me! Pick me!” On the fifth card, I noticed that my intuitive sense was operating like it often does, where I would pick the opposite card that was the “right” card, and as soon as I did, I would realize the other card was the right one. So I’m including both the first 5th card, and the “right” 5th card.

My first card is: Brilliant Idea! "Yes, your idea is Divinely guided ... please take action to bring your idea to fruition."

"Your idea is an answered prayer. Even though it may push you past your comfort zone, know that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. Ask for, and be willing to receive, all of the support that you need to bring the idea to fruition. Know that I'll be there all along the way, and you can ask me for help at any time. I'm especially glad to give you ideas and creative insights to support your life's purpose."

Working with Archangel Uriel: Uriel's energy is pale yellow, like a candle's glow. Whenever you need ideas or intellectual guidance, contact Uriel. His energy is aligned with the amber crystal.”

My second card is: Indigo and Crystal Children: “You have a bond with children. In particular, you can help children who are sensitive.”

“Your life purpose involves helping and teaching children. You’re here to help these children retain and amplify their psychic and spiritual gifts. Educate adults about natural and chemical free ways to feed and raise these special children. The very young Crystal Children and the slightly older Indigo Children are important to the future of this planet. You can help ensure their bright future, and I will help you.”

“Working with Archangel Metatron: Metatron is one of two archangels who once walked upon Earth as human men. (The other one is Sandalphon.) If you feel drawn to help children (your own, or children in general), ask Metatron for an assignment that mirrors your natural talents and interests.”

“Metatron works closely with psychic and sensitive kids, and he loves to help adults help these children. If you need more time, money, ideas, contacts, or other support for this mission, call upon Metatron. He’ll help you manifest your needs so your focus can be directed toward his beloved Crystal and Indigo Children. Metatron’s aura is beautiful violet and seafoam-green stripes. The crystal aligned with Metatron’s energy is watermelon tourmaline.”

My third card is: Peace: “Peace comes from remembering that only love is real.”

“As ‘he who sees God,’ Chamuel has omniscient vision, and he sees the connection between everyone and everything.”

“When to call on Archangel Chamuel: His holy mission includes the manifestation of universal peace through helping individuals attain inner peace, even during turbulent times. Chamuel uses his vision to ensure that you and others are at peace by helping you find what you’re looking for. From his lofty vantage point, Chamuel can see the location of every missing item and the solutions to every problem. Even though he’s stationed at an extremely high level, Chamuel is very down-to-earth and accessible, like a great man who has remained entirely humble.”

Archangel Chamuel's color: Pale green. Archangel Chamuel fulfills a role similar to Saint Anthony in Catholicism, who also helps reunite us with missing items. Both are amaz­ingly swift at bringing back beloved heirloom items such as wedding rings. Chamuel can help you find your life’s purpose; a better job or home; your right relationship; and anything, esoteric or tangible, that you request, as long as it’s in alignment with your higher self’s path. He knows God’s will for you, so ask for help and Chamuel will sort the rest out. Crystal or Gemstone: Fluorite”

My fourth card is: Compassion: “Soften your heart with respect to this situation, and all the people involved, including yourself.”

“I can help you forgive yourself and others or to compassionately see everyone’s point of view. You needn’t change your stance or behavior. It simply means approaching the situation with a loving heart, which empowers you and allows creative situations to pour forth.”

“Working with Archangel Zadkiel: Zadkiel’s name means ‘Righteousness of God,’ and he helps us release unforgiveness toward ourselves and others. Ask him to come into your dreams and act like a chimney sweep, clearing away any emotional toxins from your heart. He’ll ensure that everyone’s needs are met, and that emotional healings occur in miraculous ways.”

“Zadkiel’s aura is deep indigo blue. When you wear the mineral Lapis Lazuli you may feel a closer connection to Zadkiel, Angel of Inner Strength. Lapis is associated with truthfulness, openness, inner power, love, purification, intuition, a sense of wonder and mystery, self-confidence, virility, manifestation, and tranquility. Lapis is thought to bring the gift of strength, self-assurance and increase sensitivity to your higher power. Ancient Egyptians used Lapis as a symbol of Truth.”

My fifth card is: Clear Your Space. I picked up the card and immediately before even seeing the card, I knew the other card that had been beckoning needed to be chosen. However, here is the information on “Clear Your Space.”

“Get rid of clutter, clear the energy around you, and use feng shui. Your home and work environments affect you on many levels. Clutter can erode your energy, creativity, and prosperity. I’ll help you find the time and motivation to clear interferences from your physical environment. Together, we’ll release anything that’s not serving you. We’ll donate, recycle, or discard unused items. We’ll open the windows to circulate fresh air in the rooms. And I’ll escort lower energies away. You’ll notice huge improvements in all areas of your life as a result of this endeavor.”

”Working with Archangel Jophiel: Jophiel’s aura is deep rose pink, signifying her beautiful, loving, and caring nature. Dark pink crystals, such as pink rubellite, are associated with Jophiel’s energy. Anytime you’re involved with redecorating or spring cleaning, call upon Jophiel to help you. It’s like having your own spiritual interior decorator and feng shui consultant!”

And the card that really wanted to be chosen at the last is: Clairvoyance: “I’m helping your spiritual sight to awaken fully so you can clearly see Heavenly love. Your clairvoyance may come in different forms: as fleeting mental images in your mind’s eye; as dreams; as recurring sights in the physical world; as auras and energy; or as apparition experiences. All of the facets of clairvoyance are beautiful and varied. Enjoy and trust them. Hold the intention of seeing only love, and that is what you’ll see.”

“Working with Archangel Raziel: Raziel’s aura holds all the colors of the rainbow, like a beautiful prism of light. Working with clear quartz crystals magnifies clairvoyance and helps you feel closer to Raziel.”

All four of us drew the Clairvoyance card. Unprecedented and unusual. Steve said that he’d never seen that happen before. Very cool!

So how accurate was the reading, and what additional insights were there? The first card, “Brilliant Idea!” with an exclamation point said to me that my plans to offer integration support to those people working with South American plant medicines such as Ayahuasca and San Pedro is a brilliant idea, and to move forward with it. The second card, “Crystal and Indigo Children” was puzzling until I realized that my first choice is to work with woman rather than children, and that encouraging those women to be childlike and playful and draw upon their intuitive and even crystal- and indigo-children-like qualities and shine brightly in our world. It also coincides with offering integration support after plant medicine ceremonies to support birthing their contributions to the world. The third card, “Peace” is a beautiful reminder that only love is real, and to focus on gifting myself with opportunities to drink and breathe in that Love. The fourth card, “Compassion” is a lovely reminder to have compassion for others and myself, especially be willing to approach situations with a soft, forgiving heart. For the “Clear Your Clutter” card, I had just finished decluttering my life in preparation for our move to Ecuador. The fifth card, “Clairvoyance” confirmed with yet more assurance that my intuition is right on, and I can trust it. So, all in all, a very good reading.

Here are my five cards.


Steve closed our 1st day San Pedro ceremony. We chatted some more, and retired for the night, sleeping out in the open air patio. San Pedro Ceremony #2 is tomorrow.

See my San Pedro #2 ceremony in Vilcabamba

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