I wish to share about my recent trip back to the USA and my impressions about what’s going on there. I’ve decided to share more than what I was originally going to share, so you get a fuller sense of my experiences. Thank you in advance for your patience and reading.
I’d love to hear of others’ recent experiences too, both being in the USA and returning to the USA. Also, I wish to let people know that you are NOT crazy – if you’re sensing any of what I was feeling - you’re not alone in your awareness – and don’t minimize what you’re feeling and don’t minimize what your heart is telling you to do in response.
So here goes:
My Trip to the USA - March 2017 aka Re-Entry into an Advanced Matrix Simulation
Less than one year after we moved to Cuenca in May 2016, situations had arisen that necessitated a return to the USA. We’d had a well-designed fail-safe position for our first 2 years as expats but there was no ignoring what our hearts were saying rather loudly now, so we agreed wholeheartedly to deviate rather dramatically from that plan. And one of had to go back to straighten out our affairs and complete our exodus from the USA.
Neither of us wanted to go back, but we reasoned out that I would be the best choice to make the trip while Michael supported the process in Cuenca. We were revising our original plan, following our hearts, and letting go even more so than before.
So here are some insights as to what I experienced when I was back in the Seattle area.
Originally in early 2016, I’d thought I’d only take off 6-12 months from the corporate world, but I’d also thought that of course I would have to go back. What I didn’t realize back then was there was actually no way once I stopped that I could have returned. I am enormously grateful that Michael and I heeded the call of our spirit, our intuition, and QUIT the **** when we did! At the very least, I believed it saved both of our ALIVENESS, and perhaps our lives. I saw what had happened with many of our friends, what was still happening with many of them, and I’m not kidding here, and definitely not exaggerating.
I had lived under a sea of denial for so long and for so many decades, and didn’t recognize the toil that our lifestyle was taking on me (and Michael). I simply couldn’t and wouldn’t see it for what it was, (and now question WHY since it’s SO obvious now) but fortunately something inside of me did and spoke loud enough that I listened and quit before it was too late. Even though I’d worked on myself for years (ok, decades) to heal, that well-intended and dedicated work had barely made a dent, and had NOT led to healing nor freedom.
Thank goodness, back in the fall of 2015, we’d heeded the call of the South American plant medicines, Ayahuasca and San Pedro; received strong insights and messages; and then took the necessary actions once we returned to stop the madness and shift gears in our lives.
Yet that madness had been familiar, and we had lived and loved for many decades in that sea of madness. I was incredibly sad, yet incredibly grateful to let go, and continue to let go, so that was all a part of my emotional landscape during this trip back to the USA.
The USA is a Toxic Sea
It was very cloudy flying into Seattle and I could only see the peak of Mt Rainier poking above. I was dismayed to see, for the first time since leaving Seattle the year before, airplanes spewing out chemtrails, high about the clouds. Yes, there are no chemtrails (that we can see anyways) in Cuenca, and yes they are laying down chemtrails daily in all cities throughout the USA (and most of the rest of the world). Look up and you’ll see them – crisscrossing layers turning the skies milky-blue and raining down poisonous crap on mountains, trees, water, and of course people. And any outcry against this is largely ignored – “You’re just a conspiracy theorist.”
I knew that I would be eating food and drinking water that would not be as healthy, but simply had to deal with that for a few weeks. I was not going to be able to cook so would have to eat out. There’s only one organic restaurant within 15 miles of our home. After all, even if I was eating and preparing organic food, it really wasn’t organic – that food is nor longer labeled as “organic” because it is NOT; instead it is now labeled as “grown organically” and is sprayed and therefore poisoned AFTER it is harvested. I figured I would detox once I got back.
I gained at least 7-8 lbs in the first day or so after arriving in the Seattle area. I believe this was an inflammatory response due to my exposure to the toxic air, food and water. Upon returning to Cuenca, within a week I lost that extra weight even though I indulged in some food that typically causes weight gain for me.
I question how people can survive or thrive in such toxicity, and I admire the human spirit that prevails in spite of repeated assaults on our physicality.
Re-Entry into an Advanced Matrix Simulation and That Thick Dense Layer Around People
One thing I’ve noticed since moving to Cuenca, is that I feel more alive, more energized and more in tune with my intuition. I’m actually happy – see my blog post here that I wrote last September. I was surprised to re-read my description of the lifting of the depressive fog as it mirrored what I’m writing about now.
Immediately upon arriving in Seattle, I felt like I had landed in an advanced Matrix simulation. It’s hard to describe how and why I felt that. I felt like a giant, walking among automatons (that’s people) who were acting out their Matrix programming. There was a strange vibe in the air, and it felt alien to me. Now, much of my reaction could be due to coming from a simpler, homier setting and returning to a busier, bustling environment. Still first impressions are important, and I realized that Seattle had changed, or perhaps it was me that had changed.
After a few days, I realized that I was sensing something odd about most people. In Cuenca, people (even strangers) greet each other warmly as they pass in the streets or at the mercados (markets), with a lovely “Cómo estás. Buenos días.” (English: “How are you. Good day.”) They look at you and truly engage with you. And they are SO happy to do so – it’s part of their culture to be so gracious, so kind, so welcoming. In Seattle, typically they avoid you, turn their face away, and don’t engage. At all. Seriously, not at all. It was rare that someone even acknowledged me. This is not just Seattle – it’s throughout the USA and other first-world countries. Also I sensed they were intensely caught up in their personal lives and focused narrowly on making those lives happen within their well-defined cocoon, and the hell with anyone that wasn’t an important factor in making that happen.
But more insidiously, I “felt” something different. Although I wasn’t seeing it, I was “sensing” a thick energetic layer, about 18” thick, of a dense and stifling energetic layer of a thick substance or “spongy goo” that was surrounding most people (for a few people it wasn’t as thick); there also seemed to be tiny spirit/soul residing in the deep interior that would periodically perk up, come out to engage with you but too quickly retreat back to that deep interior safe place. This thick layer was not sticky, but it felt like it had a slimy yet porous quality, and when it was poked or punctured, it would reseal quickly once the spirit/soul retreated back and that intrusion to the surface was removed.
If I was to describe it further, I’d almost describe it as a “protective” layer but it was a strange sort of protection. Surprisingly, it felt like it wasn’t a protection for the spirit/soul inside, but rather a protection built for the Matrix simulation controlling the spirit/soul. I’ve gone back and forth on how to describe this.
First, I thought it was almost like something was purposely and energetically attacking that tiny spirit/soul and the soul’s natural response was to create the protective layer. Yet this layer wasn’t really native to the spirit/soul but the spirit/soul was being purposely stimulated with fear or other negative emotions so this goo would then form, layer by layer, over weeks, months, years and decades.
Second, I believe that when the tiny spirit/soul inside expressed and asserted itself in a manner that was contrary to the Matrix simulation’s programming, that the Matrix would generate an additional protective layer that would isolate the spirit/soul inside AND enable the intended programming to continue unabated, and in greater force. The spirit/soul may have thought it was the one being protected; but in fact, it was the Matrix programming that was being protected. I stand by this second interpretation. And this is an important distinction as to what this 18” layer is all about.
It also was apparent to me that if the spirit/soul came out for too long and engaged with someone for too long or too intimately or with too much true connection, that there was a counteraction / response that would cause that spirit/soul to retreat back. Then there’d be an instant resealing of this outer substance, and even an additional layer added on.
When I talked with the people at Starbucks, in the stores, the contactors at the house, or neighbors or friends, the lack of true connections was painfully obvious. Now, not everyone was like that all the time, but it was prevalent enough to be the norm. Most people seemed to be acting out their roles, without truly engaging, or being conscious of what they were doing. They were acting out their programming, in a rather unconscious way. Even mothers with children were not really connecting with their children – that was especially sad.
They seemed to be these cylindrical-shaped objects of an energetic substance that were navigating their “life” operating under a pre-determined and insidious programming, that was stifling to the human spirit inside, but very sophisticated in making you think it was truly human, humane and/or natural. It was rather creepy. And after awhile, I could not drive down our neighborhood’s main boulevard with all those seemingly non-human objects walking, talking, and being in their “Stepford Wives” reality.
Honestly it was amazing that anyone was making any connection with anyone at all – and it was a testament to the human spirit that I witnessed as many attempts, albeit aborted ones, as I did. And incredibly sad that so many people are as fooled as they are, and think that what they are experiencing is actually real life, when they are being totally controlled by some sophisticated programming.
There were many people that claimed to be free or immune from this Matrix programming – such as spiritual leaders, life coaches, conspiracy theorists, inspirational speakers/writers, but it became obvious that they were just operating within a more refined construct of that programming. I actually discussed this with a friend, and we were able to reason together what was especially happening with her, and had happened to me in the past (and even in the present), and how pervasive that mind-control can be. It’s like waking up from a dream into a dream, but thinking you are now awake.
Mirror Work – I Love “YOU”
Have you ever done “mirror” work? It’s supposed to work in lovely ways, in creating more self-acceptance, more self-love of your body and soul. It’s a nice practice and for some, especially in the beginning, it’s very hard to do – for some it’s simply hard to tell yourself that you love yourself and accept yourself, especially when you’re in your undoctored nakedness looking at yourself critically in the mirror. Yet how much that self-love is needed, and how challenging it can be to gift it to ourselves.
When we were living in Issaquah previously, I would do “mirror work”. After a shower, I would stand in front of a full-length mirror, and tell myself, “I love you” and other nice things. It was nice, and I could do it with some ease, and thought it was working. Now that was a nice illusion about the effectiveness or non-effectiveness of much of the self-help work that I did.
I hadn’t done this practice since leaving Seattle and moving to Cuenca.
Now back in Issaquah, I got out of the shower one day, and as was my past practice, I stood in front of the mirror. “I love you.” I connected my eyes with those in the mirror and spoke those words. Kinda automatically. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
I SAW ME!
I TRULY SAW ME!
I was so shocked! This was NEW! And I was totally floored and excited and flabbergasted. I pulled away from the mirror several times, and pulled back in, almost magnetically, surprised that “I” was still there and connecting with “ME”. It was beautiful!
I had fully, thoroughly and completely connected energetically with ME and I knew it. Omigosh, what a lovely interchange followed! I was so excited and thoroughly thrilled.
“Hello there, beautiful. It’s so lovely to see you. I so love you. Thank you for being here. Oh my, I do see you – I see your eyes – they’re so clear, they’re so vibrant. You’re so alive, so precious, so beautiful. Oh my, I SEE YOU! You are SO loved! You are SO precious!”
And on and on. I could barely pull myself away from the mirror and every time I did, I went back and reestablished that connection; it was addicting (in a good way) and it was so healing. Such beautiful love being expressed to ME by ME – that is so wonderful and so different from the me from before.
Now, that’s true mirror work. I call it miracle work.
What had happened? I’d never experienced this level of connection with myself before. Somehow, I believe that simply being in Cuenca, living that healthier and less stressful life, being away from influence of that crazy advanced Matrix simulation, that the insidious 18” layer had dissolved, at least most of it. I was now able to see the true me, in all my glory, with total clarity, and total appreciation. And love me. And express it.
What a gift!
The Matrix – What Will It Try Next?
The first few days I was back in Issaquah, I kept feeling these insidious and seductive whispers, “You like this. You liked this. You did this well. You could do it again, and do it even better.” And it was right. Michael and I had created a beautiful home, we had risen from the ashes of past relationships, past jobs, past mistakes, to build a lovely life together. We had succeeded well in the corporate world, even excelled and reached the top of our professions. We had all the benefits (or trappings) of a good and successful life. And something out there wanted me to hear about that, over and over again.
My response was to be appreciative of what we had been able to achieve, but also to appreciate that we had been able to learn, and what we had chosen to leave behind. I rejected the so-called natural conclusion of this message to come back to “reality”, to what I knew, to what I was used to. It was very seductive but I acknowledged the little truth contained, and claimed my bigger truth and freedom from the enslavement that was no longer.
So the message changed. (Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that the “voices” being beamed at me changed their messages. Where was this coming from – you use your imagination. It felt like a psychic encroachment to me.)
For the next few days, the messages shifted from that of seduction to that of vicious overwhelm. I became overwhelmed with all that needed to be done, the many obstacles both anticipated and unexpected, and the ridiculously short time that I had to accomplish it all. Plus when would I find the time to do the important stuff – which was connect with friends.
The entire first floor of the house was strewn with boxes, papers, and “stuff”. It was a mess. People were being unresponsive. Everything seemed to be delayed, or reversed, or made harder. It was as though the “hive-mind” had changed tactics and was now saying, “So you don’t want this after all. Let me show you exactly how much you don’t want this – here take this, take that... If you really want to leave all this, by the time you get done extricating yourself, you’ll HATE it all.”
By the second or third day of these messages, I broke down. Tearfully, I talked with Michael that Thursday, with my emotional state of mind a complete mess of jelly. I can’t do this. It’s too much. I can’t get it done in time. Why did I come? Why didn’t you come?
I know that Michael was shocked at my state of mind. And perplexed and even helpless as to how to support me. After all he was about 4400 miles away. And I spent the rest of that day wallowing in despair as I tried valiantly not to drown in the sea of negativity. After our conversation, Michael talked with one of our friends who suggested I get some Bach’s Flower Rescue Remedy. I had just unearthed some, right at the house, but when I held it in my hand, and although I was grateful for the love and the suggestion, I could “feel” that that wasn’t the answer.
But what was?
I do know that I acknowledged the partial truths in all the negativity that was streaming at me. I didn’t resist that, and I wasn’t trying to make it all perfect. Yes, there wasn’t much time. Yes, people were being uncooperative. Yes, there was tons to do, more than would typically be expected of one person. Yes, it was overwhelming.
It was kinda surprising, but the next day I woke up and it was different. Somehow I had shifted. I hadn’t planned on shifting, I hadn’t prayed, nor meditated, nor sent out intentions about “healing” this breakdown. I really didn’t “let go”. I didn’t do anything.
Instead, I simply found myself “being” me. Something simply rose up in me, without my willing it, without my asking for it, without my grasping for it. It simply was me, being me, naturally. And I didn’t realize that my native “beingness” had risen up – it simply was there, and was going to stay. Of course, it felt like me – it was me, so nothing out of the ordinary, right? Except the messages of deafening overwhelm were gone. Again, that felt natural and not noticeable. Interesting...
Instead of “being in the zone,” “I was the zone.”
Instead of “being in the flow,” “I was the flow.”
Instead of “being confident,” “I was confidence.”
Instead of “breathing,” “I was the breath.”
In talking with Michael, he was surprised and relieved to hear my complete about-face and my newfound cheerfulness and go-do-it attitude that was now present. I didn’t realize what had occurred until after the trip was over and I reflected on what had happened day-by-day. I believe that our time in Cuenca this past year had done something very healing to me, my body, my psyche, such that when faced with such adversity that I naturally rose up, because I simply was me, I “be”.
And for the next week and a half, in spite of continued delays and ridiculousness, I was OK, I was able to navigate it all. My physicality held up (in spite of 12-16 hour days and yes I did get tired, but I recovered); my emotional state was excellent (I was riding the waves and feeling the ups and downs); my mental state was acute and able to multi-task and keep on task. I wasn’t perfect and I was good to go. I flexed, I adjusted. And I simply did what I needed to do. And beautiful “miracles” happened as one situation after another was solved.
The initial seductive messages, and the follow-up overwhelming messages from the Matrix simulation just didn’t affect me any more. I wasn’t resisting them. Instead, I had a profound sense of stepping naturally into an essence of me, that I hadn’t done before, quite as completely. Without fanfare, without efforting. I have a very clear sense now, that whatever might be required of me in the future, that simply being “me” is enough.
I learned a lot on this trip, but it was mostly about the healing and expansiveness that has happened for me since moving to Cuenca, the evidence of the lifting of the depression and oppressiveness, and the gift of seeing the difference of what had been before, and what is now blossoming.
And now your turn… I can't be the only one who is sensing, feeling, changing...